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Saturday, July 16, 2011

"and the beat goes on..."

No one wants to date anymore it seems.  Everyone is in such a hurry to jump from one extreme to the other. In my case, from "dating" to "having sex"  Do I want to? Sure, eventually.  But we're still getting to know each other.  If I was looking solely for a sexual encounter then we would have accomplished that probably the first night we met.  Ugh! I'm not about that anymore.  I thought we were both on the same page.  That's what I was led to believe anyway.  I was wrong.  By now, if you're still here, you may have guessed that I'm talking about "Ball cap guy"  We met a few weeks ago and he's been super sweet and we've been spending  a lot of time together.  He's cooked for me several times, I've reciprocated.  We've talked for hours, you know, getting to know each other. We've had some pretty fantastic make-out sessions.  But that's as far as it's gotten. Or that was as far as it had gotten.  Until tonight.  We had a nice date, dinner, movie, a drink at a local pub and then home.  This is where it all fell apart.  So we're sitting on his couch, talking, kissing and laughing.  Things quickly progress and soon there is heavy breathing and soft moans.  That's my red light! My cue, if you will.  I stop him, he stops.  But then he starts again.  I stop him again.  He tells me he's waited long enough.  Wait.  What?  "I told you from the beginning that I wasn't ready to jump into a sexual relationship.  That I wanted to take things slow and get to know one another.  I thought you said you were on the same page?"  He sat across from me on the sofa, we'd miraculously found cause to not be thisclose to each other anymore.  "Yvonne, I really like you, but I have needs, don't you?"  We're soooo not on the same page.  I grabbed my stuff and asked him to drive me home.  He told me I was overreacting and that this was normal.  He said that this was a way for us to get closer.  Ok, I get that. I do. And if I was ready to have sex with him, I would have jumped him right then and there.  But I'm not.  I don't want this relationship to be just about sex.  I'm not at that point.  Why is that so difficult for him to understand?  I want to be wooed and take time to get to know him and him to get to know me.  I want a relationship.  Is that so wrong?  Ugh! I hate dating, I hate dating, I hate dating!  And why was this all about him? He never once asked me if I was ready or how I felt taking our relationship further or any of that! He just assumed I was or expected me to be.  What's up with that? That's not cool! Meh! We ended our "discussion" at an impasse.  Neither one of us would give in.  But the clincher, the gut wrenching, twist the knife a little harder clincher was when he said to me, "You're an older woman, you should be a pro at this! This should not be this difficult!"  Yeah, I forgot to mention he's a wee bit younger than me.  Like, 11 years younger. What? Don't judge.  Anyway, the whole thing sucked all around.  He ended driving me home.  LONGEST.DRIVE.EVER.  It was done in total silence.  When we got to my place, he turned to look at me and told me he didn't hold any grudges.  That I was a great person and a very sexy woman, but just not the sexy woman for HIM.  Oh.my.god!!! He said that!!!  I was at a loss for words. (incredible isn't it?)  I don't even remember if I said anything to him.  All I remember was getting out of his car and walking up to my front door.  All evening I've been going over what happened in my head.  Replaying it like a bad movie.  Pausing it, only to mull over the good parts. I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach and I'm gasping for air.  I really wanted him to be someone special in my life.  I really did.  I called my friend *Gustabo to tell him the latest, and he told me that BCG  wasn't the "special someone" that was supposed to be in my life.  Then he said to stop moping and go out and get laid! Good thing he keeps everything in perspective! Whatever would I do without a friend like him? :)

So kids, that was my Friday night.  It's 1:00 a.m. now, Saturday morning.  I'm wide awake, who else?

13 comments:

Leah said...

Oh man! That... sucks!

I mean, you think you know the guy, but then he ended up to be the exact opposite. :(

I feel you. I'm exactly like that. I want a relationship, based on trust and friendship.. We would hang out, enjoy each other's company and yes, fall inlove. We'd have a commitment, because we connect with each other emotionally and spiritually, not just because of sex.

okay, sex is great! hehe.. I'm not saying it's not. But as you said, is it so wrong to want a real relationship? Hmm.. I guess, some men just don't get it, eh? :)

Oh well, I'd say, let him be. He's not worthy of you. :)

Mynx said...

What a jerk. Sadly there is this perception that an older woman is just gagging for it. As much as it may not feel like it, you are worth so much more than that selfish immature git.

I am so glad you have a good friend you could call. You are a special lady, dont forget it

Don said...

Males are born with two heads and at times some of them let the wrong one guide them. If BCG respected you as he should he would have admired you even more for responding the way you did, told you so, and used the head above his shoulders.

Oilfield Trash said...

What a jerk.

I am sorry Y, but keep your eyes open and you will see the right one.

Belle said...

Yvonne, it was good you didn't sleep with him. I'm sure something inside was telling you not to for a very good reason. I can see how this would hurt you deeply. I'm sorry.

Gustabo is dead wrong. You don't need to get laid. You could have done that already! Where does that leave you the next day? You have grown out of all that and will be rewarded with true love one day.

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

What an idiot. LOSER!
Damn, I hate that this guy was just like so many others.
Indeed, do move on to greener pastures.
Sometimes the right one comes along just after you have sworn off men because of guys like this...

Cinderita said...

I'm not even sure what to say.

I was so excited for you and Ball Cap Guy. I don't think he's a loser, or an idiot or any other choice word..I just think he's a dude. He's waiting a long time - in man years - so he's ready. that's all. I would have to agree with G...if he were the guy for you, he'd just wait.

xo

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Oh hon, I know this scenario..the immature jerkified comments about not being "normal" etc. He's an utter jerk. You went home with your integrity! There is nothing wrong with dating a much younger man, but this one's way too young emotionally and lacks the integrity and respectfulness that you have. Good for you for not getting more deeply involved. Sorry for your sadness. Hugs to you.
xoRobyn

Jo-Anne Rambling said...

Some men just don't get it I do not know how hard it is for them to get it. Oh well he wasn't the right one but given time you will find the right one......it will happen......

myjoyproject said...

Oh Yvonne I don't know what to say. You know I understand completely, and hun, you are a stronger woman than I. I would have given in and felt crappy in the morning.

You kept to your word to yourself. You kept your integrity. You honoured what you want. And that is saying a lot.

Take the time you need to mourn the loss, and move forward.

Love love,
Kelly
ox

Yvonne said...

All- thanks guys! I appreciate your solidarity and your kinds words! I'm not "mourning" or down in the dumps, per se. I'm a little sad, and a lot disappointed. But I'll be just fine. -Love all of you to pieces!

The Frisky Virgin said...

What an amazing, narrow-minded, pants-centered jerk. I'm sorry, but the things he said to you qualify as jerk material. Why? Because he led you to believe you were both on the same page from the start. Then he knocks your age, makes the classic "normal" comment, and, of course, the epic "I have needs." Jerk and a half.

First of all, don't even think about the age difference--age is a bunch of hooey and means absolutely nothing.

Second, if he needs sex to "get closer," then he doesn't know the definition of "getting closer." Yes, I get that it is part of a relationship, but it's ONLY part. Too many people make the mistake of basing a relationship ON sex without really knowing the other person.

Third, he doesn't deserve you. I know that sounds like a cliche, but it's true.

Ugh, I'm so gagged by baseball cap guy!!! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. You'll find someone WORTHY of you.

Yvonne said...

FV- hahaha! You go girl! Yeah, I was disappointed and angry as well. But you know, live and learn and live and learn. Life goes on...