Thursday, March 10, 2011

Stuck on Happy

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it! If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" Remember that little childhood jingle?  I used to love singing that song when I was little.  I have a question for you. Is it possible to feel happy all.of.the.time??? Seriously?  I have a friend who puts daily statuses on his Facebook page.  They are always motivational, upbeat, very positive statuses.  And I like that. But my friend has a tendency to never get mad.  Ever.  He'll always tell me not to worry about little things and when I'm hyperventilating about my job or my latest dating fiasco, or my family,  he tells me not to worry about it.  Just like that.  As if it was that simple.  He says that being positive and happy is where it's at.  Yeah, I believe in that but only to a point.  I mean, we're humans, not robots.  Human emotion is normal.  Continuously being in that "Mary Poppins" mode, is not.  At least, not to me.  There are days I am out of this world happy and there are days I'm so angry I can spit fire or days I'm so sad I can't get out of bed.  To me, that is normal.  I've had many a discussion with him about this.  I told him that I think he's masking his emotions by pretending that everything is fine.  Don't get me wrong, his life is really not that complicated and he doesn't have a lot to worry about.  But he is like that even in his everyday life.  He tells me that being angry is a waste of time and energy.  I totally agree, however, sometimes, letting out that inner monster, is necessary for growth and for better understanding and simply, for release of emotions.  The whole reason I bring this up is because yesterday as I was driving to the gym, I had a bit of a melt-down.  I won't go into the reasons why, because they are not even worth mentioning but at the time, my world was falling apart.  So I called my friend to cry on his shoulder.  (ok, you know I'm speaking figuratively since I was driving at the time)  He seemed disinterested and kind of cold.  And then he said I needed to get over it and focus on something positive.  Which struck a nerve with me because I was looking  for just a little sympathy or at the very least, an "It'll be okay, don't worry." from him.  Again, I've been on that end, where I give that exact same line he gave me, to a friend.  But normally, the situation warrants that kind of response.  Maybe I'm just being a girl and took things too personal yesterday. Meh, I don't think so.  Still, the questions remain, "Is it possible to feel happy all the time?" "Is that normal?

Talk to me.


David Batista said...

Maybe it's a guy thing, because I find that I'm a lot like your friend. Not happy all the time, no . . . but I also tend to have the attitude that nothing's worth moping over for days on days. What you said about being so sad that you don't want to get out of bed sometimes? That's never happened to me, even when things are shitty in my life.

For me, even when I'm down I'm constantly searching for that silver lining. In this way, my dark moods never last very long. And I'm sure to other people looking at me from the outside, I must appear pretty easy going and even happy-go-lucky.

So, again, maybe this is a guy thing. I don't know. I do know that my wife is a lot like the way you described yourself. She gets pretty moody, and can go from happy to extremely down at the slightes provocation. I'm very sympathetic, but at some point even I tend to feel like saying: come on, get over it already! Don't let it bother you so much!

Take that for what it's worth. :)

Cinderita said...

I get that a lot. People find me annoying because I am too happy. I had someone tell me once that he found me annoying but he liked me and he couldn't quite figure out how to reconcile it all. If you were friends with me on FB you would see that my status updates are generally pretty upbeat. If I don't have anything nice to say, I don't say anything, or I find a quote to post. Don't get me wrong. I vent. I rant. I get angry. But it usually only lasts a few minutes and what's the best part? It gives me an opporutnity to look for what's missing in my life or experience that would make a difference. So once I get busy looking there, there's no time to be unhappy.

so consider me *clap clap clap clap*


Belle said...

After a lifetime of feeling mostly sad, I do feel happy almost all the time now. And if I am not happy, I am at peace. Reading the book, Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer is what changed me. I realized what I was doing to myself, and followed her suggestions and it worked for me.

I think the more we vent about our bad feelings, the worse we feel. I don't think it helps. I do admit my feelings to myself, but then quote Bible verses or positive words. I used to worry incessently, I no longer do this. I used to feel sorry for myself, and with good reason, but I no longer do. Joyce was terribly abused by her father all her childhood and she had a lot of trouble with sadness and anger. Because she had been through the worst and became happy, I believed I could too.
I will say, I did not know the power of God to change my thoughts and feelings. I love life now. A year ago, I would have laughed if anyone said I could ever love life. I wish I had known all this years ago, but maybe it was something I had to go through.

Yvonne said...

David -I think it's partly a "guy thing" and partly not. While I am almost always in a good mood, and try to remain positive,even in the most dire situations, I tend to go from one mood to another in a nano second. I used to be worse. But through a lot of therapy and prayer, and my awesome family and friends, I've gotten a whole lot better. My biggest irk with my friend or anyone else who walk around as if nothing bothers them is that it seems fake to me and ultimately unhealthy. Everyone has feelings, whether or not we choose to use them is a choice, I guess. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! :)

Rita - Ha! I find myself annoying at times but not because I'm syrupy happy. Look, I'm not saying I walk around in this "woe is me" mentality. I don't. In fact, I'm a pretty happy and bubbly person. And I'm ALWAYS smiling! The thing that bothers me is how can anyone never get mad or sad or feel anything but happiness? While at times, I tend to give in to the "monster" -my bout with depression, I fight it every step of the way, so the episode doesn't linger for long. Thanks for sharing with me! ;)

Belle- I'm so glad you found happiness and peace. I've read that book and I have it all highlighted to my favorite passages! I believe it was something you had to go through. In order to be where you are now. :)

Krissy said...

Hell no, it's not normal to feel happy all of the time. It sounds like that very friend was having a bad day to be saying that and with a kinda cold tone. Kinda makes me think he was having a bad day and didn't want to hear something bad because he was trying not to go deeper. Everyone needs meltdown days on occasion, hon.

Belle said...

Yes, there is a time to cry and a time to laugh. I guess some of us have to go through the crying time until we reach happiness. A person does need to grieve when there are hard times. Who knows? If something awful happened to someone in my family, I would probably be sad all the time again.

Anonymous said...

I don't know if it is normal or not but it certainly isn't for me. I am way too up and down with my emotions to even attempt to be happy all the time. Frankly I enjoy a little wallowing and find a certain peace in being sad sometimes. I think it stems from my years and years battling depression (now I manage it) but there is no way I could be happy all the time unless heavily medicated!

Mynx said...

How do you really know happy if you dont know sad?

Just saying

Cinderita said...

drugs. lol

Yvonne said...

Krissy - lol I'm glad you agree!

Belle - I hope you don't knwo that sadness ever again!

Jewels- Yep, am very familiar!

Mynx - I like that! It makes sense.

Rita - haha!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

There was definitely a time when I would have totally agreed with you that this guy was just faking it. But the truth is, I have become one of those happy-go-lucky souls that I used to detest. It is so weird to be on the other side of it now. For me personally, I was never real down on anything. I never felt like I couldn't get out of bed or anything like that (unless I was seriously ill or something), but I just thought that people who appeared happy all the time couldn't possibly be so. Now that I have finally been able to let go of my need to make others happy or get a better life and such, I am free to be my true happy self. And it is amazing- little things don't get me at all and the bigger stuff is so much easier to handle. Still I don't think there's any need to be rude to others who may not be as naturally inclined to being happy-go-lucky people. Your friend may just have a hard time relating to how much this particular thing bothered you. I know it is harder for me to relate to a real meltdown these days than it ever was before.

Yvonne said...

YRJ- I get what you're saying. I think I was most bothered by his seemingly lack of concern and his quick "dismissal" of me. Thanks for your input!

Anonymous said...

Personally I don't think there is a way to be happy ALL the time. There are times where you are sad or angry or bored or disappointed or paranoid, etc.

Being happy all the time is boring.

Yvonne said...

Ditzy -lol I don't necessarily see it as boring so much as not normal. But that's just me, and I'm silly. lol

The Frisky Virgin said...

I think the ups and downs, highs and lows, are part of life. Maybe this is cynical, but I sometimes worry that if I'm happy ALL the time, then one day, something will come crashing down and I will be like that robot that just shuts down or goes into tilt.

I try to make light of as much as possible--laugh in the face of whatever it is that's bringing you down. Not always possible, I know, but sometimes it helps.

Other times, you just need to cry, let it all out. Being human doesn't mean being one single emotion. It means FEELING it all, the good, the bad, the really bad, the scary...all of it. Everyone is different, but happy all the, not really me. Happy most of the time...doable. Happy with a dusting of tears and a sprinkling of "Aw, crap"...bit more accurate.