Tuesday, March 29, 2011

It's Not Me, It's You!

How many times have we heard the age old line "It's not YOU it's ME!", "I'm the cause of all of our problems. I'm the one to blame for my (insert issue here)."  Yeah well, what if it really is you?  Let's face it, in the dating world, there are many, many, MANY, different ways to let someone down easy when you're just not interested in them.  I've always preferred the honest approach myself, but sometimes, the truth, well it just hurts! Imagine, it's like saying, "Eh, you're good, just not good enough for me!" or "I like you but I don't like you, like you.", or even, "I'm interested, just not in you.  I'm interested in your friend (insert name here)"  Now these excuses may all seem tactless and hard, but it' a cruel world we live in bloggers. And all those aforementioned "excuses/reasons" have all been said to ME, at one point or another in my life.  Yes it's true, I carry many a "war" wound on my heart.  Dating is a lot like gambling, you don't have a sure thing, you are risking losing everything but the rewards you reap if you hit the jackpot makes taking the risk worthwhile.  Don't you agree?  I was pondering this while driving in to work this morning.  It all started because I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of someone.  We never dated, we were "buddies", and I adored him. I often wonder what would have happened if we had dated or if he would have just let me know he was not interested and moving on, instead of just one day, disappearing like he did.  No one likes to to be the "bad guy", I get that.  But I believe it's better to be the "bad guy" and be upfront with someone, even if it hurts them just a little.  At least that way the person can go forward and not wonder or wait or start doubting him/her self.  What do you think?  What would you prefer? Being lied to? Being led on? or Being told the truth?  What's the worst/best excuse you've ever been given by a male/female when they were not interested in you?

Care to share?

8 comments:

myjoyproject said...

Well.. the last guy I dated told me he was moving away (and as far as I know, he hasn't yet - and that was 5 months ago).

The one before that told me an ex had moved back into town and he wanted to get that a second shot (2 months later I saw him on plenty of fish again) and I haven't heard from him since.

I'd prefer the truth, preferrably a gentle version of the truth, but I'd take the truth over a disappearing act any day.

I'm starting a wee series over at myjoyproject this afternoon where I'll be talking about self-sabotaging relationships... I hope you'll stop by later with some input!

ox
Kelly

Jewels said...

I'd rather be honest and have somebody be honest with me...if not have can them/I grow? It's not always nice but I've had guys tell friends of mine "You deserve better. It isn't you it's me." Then tell me a long list of things they do wrong. It's not my place to then tell them--I wish the guys would grow a set because they just repeat these mistakes. Ugh. I eventually step in as nicely as possible but a lot of that could be avoided if people were just honest. I have never been broken up with. Is that weird? I feel like it is. Oh well....

Belle said...

I would want the truth. When I was dating, the guy would usually break up by never calling me again. I don't mind that kind of break-up I guess. It was better than hearing what was wrong with me! I didn't really want to know.

Alessandra said...

I'd rather be told the truth, though I'm not sure I would always tell the truth, mostly because I wouldn't want to hurt the person. I think the worst excuse is the' oh I have a girlfriend/boyfriend' line.

Yvonne said...

kelly- men lie. it's what they do!:) i will get to your post tomorrow!

jewels- amen sister!

belle - for me, i'd rather hear something, anything is better than the disappearing act.

alessandra- exactly!

Kelley said...

Ugh. That's such a tough question! I guess I liked it when it just kind of fizzled out. Maybe they stopped calling or something. I don't think I would like a straightforward "I don't like you". I don't want to be led on, but maybe that is what I am implying. Love is a gamble and it is worth the risk!

Paige said...

and this is why i do not date

The Adorkable Ditz said...

It's one thing to do it to someone you've just started dating but to someone like my ex where we were together for years, it was hard. Cause it WAS him.