Tuesday, January 25, 2011

From First Date to No Way!

Do you believe in getting to know a person before discarding them in the "I'm not dating him/her" file? Or do you discard them just from looks alone? Or better yet, meet them, and within say, oh five minutes, beg your forgiveness and run away, fast?  I had an interesting conversation with my friend *Gustabo.  He called me earlier in the evening to tell me that he had a date tonight with this woman he's been fancying for about a month now.  They've spoken on the phone quite a bit, exchanged pictures, Facebooked each other, you know the drill.  So when he called me tonight, I could totally hear the excitement of anticipation in his voice.  I gave him a few pointers and some "Do's and Dont's" -refreshers, if you will.

Do's and Don't's:

1.  Don't answer your cell phone if it rings. And don't look at it every five minutes.
2.  Don't text in front of her, for god sakes! That's so rude!
3.  Do be yourself.
4.  Don't be late
5.  Do call your bestie on your way home to tell me her all about it in great detail.

So a little while ago, my phone rang.  It was Gustabo.  My first thought was, "Already?" and my second thought was, "She must have gone to the ladies room."  I was right, it was the latter.  Quickly, he told me she's very pretty, she's got a great sense of humor and they're having a good time, but, "Eh, it's not happening."  Wait. What?  Since I didn't have much time, I just chastised him and told him to give it time and enjoy the rest of the date.  He told me he would but that it wouldn't change his mind and then he said he'd call me when he got home.

Hmm, I don't know about him sometimes.  I mean, how can you just write a person off in mid-date? Well, I take that back, I 'm guilty of doing that.  Remember the Jolly Green Giant aka The Horrible Kisser? Yeah. Anyway, I guess I'll wait and see what he says. It's just that, he's been talking to her via phone, email and text, for a while now.  And I know he was interested and he found her attractive . So what am I missing?

Normally, I give the guys I go out with the benefit of the doubt.  And I always try and make the best of a situation.  There have been only two instances where I literally walked off on a date.  Hell, I even continued the date from hell with the guy that was mad that I didn't give him a blow-job, remember? But I do tell them upfront if there is no intention of seeing them again or if I'm not interested.  I expect that much courtesy in return.  I mean, we're all adults, and who has time to waste?  Insert rolling of the eyes here <----------
I know, I know, in a perfect world and all that!


So bloggers, what are your thoughts on this, if any?  This enquiring, slightly neurotic mind, wants to know!


Mister King said...

im interested to kno why he wasnt feelin her...only a little though just because I like reading your posts.

enjoy a laugh on me...


Anonymous said...

Well a person may like a person via the internet and phone and such but meeting them is the big one two. That happened with Michael!


Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm so glad we've connected. This is already fun. I fully agree with you. There was no reason for Gustabo to write her off. Men want some grand fireworks display at first meeting. Women are more realistic in knowing the attraction will grow, if things are right.

I'm so sorry your last date was like the "Draconian measures" guy. It ain't a picnic out there, huh?


Megan. said...

Sometimes there's just no chemistry, or something doesn't click. There's one guy I was interested in for a while, he seemed like the kind of guy I could stay with for a long time, but we fought like an old married couple, even while we were trying to arrange a first date. Sometimes it's just not meant to be.

Shady Del Knight said...

If Gus used the exact words "very pretty" when he called you at "halftime" it could be code for "not a ravishing beauty - not a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader supermodel type like I was expecting." Men tend to set the bar of expectation high and the least little thing that they find "wrong" with a women can be a deal breaker (see Shallow Hal). Nevertheless, I believe that attraction and chemistry must be palpable right from the start or else it's no deal. You shouldn't have to work at those things. I would never get up and leave in the middle of a date, but before we judge a man or a woman who quickly dismisses a potential partner on the basis of looks alone we must remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everybody has an attraction strategy - a specific list of compulsory elements that must be present to produce the greatest excitement. If too many of those key elements are missing you'll only be "settling" if you stay in and try to make it work. People aren't inspired when they settle. It only leads to a sense of deprivation and resentment. Along with an attraction strategy we all have a love strategy which is another blueprint that our partner must follow in order for us to feel loved in the way we NEED to feel loved to maintain long term happiness. If somebody loves you but the only way they know how to demonstrate it is through "tough love" when what you really need to be happy is the nurturing kind, then you're going to have problems. If you feel most loved by means of a certain look, by words spoken or whispered, or by a certain kind of touch but the only way your partner can show love is to buy you things, then there will always be a void. That's why it makes sense to keep playing the field instead of getting bogged down in a relationship that's just too much like work instead of play.

Creatively Sensitive said...

Waiting until the end of the date is the best thing. Sometimes nerves can block the connection. If they've found the vibe before they can find it again, they just need to recognize that it was in different formats and wait for the adjustment.

Personally, when things really started to change for me when I was dating, is when I stopped giving people as many chances. Around the time that I finally learned to be selective, and to walk away from a new possibility at the first sign of mismatch to my list - that was when I met my sweetie. Our energy and connection were incredible, and still are a year and a half later.

ZP said...

I'll always give it at least one date to meet and get to know. There have been many first dates where it was clear to me this would be the last. But, I'm also upfront about it and let them know the date was an epic fail, but maybe we could be friends?

That never really happens though...

Yvonne said...

All - Thanks for your input. I also agree that it is possible to know instantly whether or not there is any chemistry. It's either there or it's not. However, sometimes, men and women base their decision to bail on looks alone. Which can be counterproductive, I think. Because what if the person is drop dead gorgeous but empty inside? Or evil? Or what if the person is not attractive but has the best personality? But better yet, what is there is chemistry with that person??? It can happen! Anyway, that's all I was trying to say. Thanks for playing! ;)