Sunday, October 10, 2010

Me, Myself and I

I spent my Sunday playing with my nieces and nephews. Not all of them, I was missing two. But the three I did have with me wore me out! lol We played and sang and painted and played some more! Sydney (my oldest niece ) is 9 years old, Ethan is 5 and Leah is 3. For such little people they make a LOT of noise!!!! -Great times though! Children make me happy. Babies make me happy. Once upon a time, I wanted babies. When I turned thirty-five and was still not married and childless, I made a conscience decision to accept the fact that I may never be married or bear a child. The latter made me very sad for a little while. I always dreamed of having my own home, with a husband, a baby or two, the SUV in garage, and a dog. Unfortunately, none of that happened. For a long time I questioned God and why he wouldn't give me what I wanted. I got angry, sad, and then angry again. But slowly, with time, I apologized to God for being such a brat and I made peace with that part of my life. Oh I know, there's always adoption or a sperm bank, etc. I know the drill. It's just that I'm more the "old-fashioned way" kind of girl. So here I am, forty-four years old and alone. I've grown to love my independence. Love the fact that I can take off on a whim at any given time and not worry about anyone else but me. I love the fact that as a single women, I have options and opportunities that perhaps I would not have, if I was married and a mother. I watch my brothers and my sister and my friends who are married and parents, I watch them struggle, juggle, and perform miracles. And I think, "Thank God that's not me!" I've grown selfish with my time, with my freedom. Sure it sucks to be alone sometimes. And yeah, I get the case of the lonelies more times than not, but I'm happy. I don't know the future. I can only hope and leave everything else in God's hands. He's got a plan you know, I just don't know what it is! lol Clue me in will ya???
And when I get those "baby pangs" I satisfy the cravings by picking up one of my many friends' kids and taking them out for the day. Or visit someone who has a newborn. -I love newborns!!!! Speaking of, my sister-in-law is due to have her third child this week!!! Yay, another baby to hold!!!! So, I'm good.


Belle said...

It is wonderful you have learned acceptance of the life you have. It does sound like a good life, but I can understand why you would want a husband and family. Maybe there were important things to learn first, I don't know. Remember Abraham? He had to wait until he was 100 yrs old to have his child and his wife was 90. You never know what will happen! You are right to leave it in God's hands, I really believe he wants the best for all of us.

Yvonne said...

Thanks Belle! Your words of encouragement are appreciated! But I really hope I don't have to wait until I'm 100 to get married! lol

Shady Del Knight said...

Yvonne wrote: << But I really hope I don't have to wait until I'm 100 to get married! lol >>

But please remember that 100 is the new 80! (LOL)

Seriously, when you think about it you are not "alone." In this modern age you are connected to many people in many ways. If you're a single woman either by necessity or by choice, this is a great time to be one. There are many women like you who enjoy the freedom and independence it affords. I never had any children of my own either and sometimes I regret it; but more often I am convinced that I made the right choice for me. I have come to regard the whole world as my extended family. I reach out and try to make a meaningful connection with all types of people, not just the ones with whom I would automatically feel comfortable. It's fun to stretch. There are so many people to meet. Don't come from scarcity. Own what you got and groove on it.

Annah said...

Thanks so much for sharing this. At least you can recognize the pros and cons of the life that for better or worse you've been handed. So many people are going through this, and not just women, might I add. You seem like such a wonderful person and I agree, whenever I feel that itch for children I just grab a friend's for a day and then return them at the end of the night. hehe

But if you really really want one, I say adopt. So many beautiful kids in need of homes. It has always been my wish to adopt by the time I turn 33 or so... I'm just praying I'm financially stable by then.