Good bye October

My birthday month has come to an end. Thirty one days of laughs, tears, pain, anger, resentment, struggles, successes, insight, good choices, bad choices, dillemmas, happiness. The race is on, the clock is ticking, there are only 8 weeks left in the year. What will I do? How will I make it count? Four months ago I started a journey to self-improvement, to become a better version of myself, to stop the insanity that was my life. So how am I doing? Sigh, well, it's been rough, not gonna lie. But I realized that I'm stronger than I know. And that no matter how many times life knocks me down, I keep getting back up, sometimes, even when I don't want to. I still have a lot of issues to deal with and the better version of myself still needs a lot of work. I've taken two steps forward somedays only to take three steps back on other days. It's those days that I struggle with. I beat myself up for failing, for falling back into the same patterns, the "familiar". No one is harder on me than myself. Why can't I just forgive and move on? Instead I obsess, question, lecture myself -basically beat myself up. See? I am still working on it.

November. Bring it.