Sunday, October 31, 2010

Good bye October

My birthday month has come to an end. Thirty one days of laughs, tears, pain, anger, resentment, struggles, successes, insight, good choices, bad choices, dillemmas, happiness. The race is on, the clock is ticking, there are only 8 weeks left in the year. What will I do? How will I make it count? Four months ago I started a journey to self-improvement, to become a better version of myself, to stop the insanity that was my life. So how am I doing? Sigh, well, it's been rough, not gonna lie. But I realized that I'm stronger than I know. And that no matter how many times life knocks me down, I keep getting back up, sometimes, even when I don't want to. I still have a lot of issues to deal with and the better version of myself still needs a lot of work. I've taken two steps forward somedays only to take three steps back on other days. It's those days that I struggle with. I beat myself up for failing, for falling back into the same patterns, the "familiar". No one is harder on me than myself. Why can't I just forgive and move on? Instead I obsess, question, lecture myself -basically beat myself up. See? I am still working on it.

November. Bring it.

7 comments:

EcoGrrl said...

so i will ask...what are you grateful for? sometimes just documenting our blessings, big and small, help to keep us on that positive path...

hugs!

Belle said...

Imagine a friend saying to you the things you say to yourself. What would you think of her? Most of the things depressed or perfection-oriented people say to themselves are lies. How do I know? Years of practice.

Yvonne said...

Eco- Thanks doll! I'll blog about it!

Belle- So are you saying that I'm lying to myself about changing? Not following you hon.

Miss Vicki said...

I know about the 'familiar'...sometimes its the safe place we crawl back to...or long for...it takes time to create a new 'familiar' :)

The Adorkable Ditz said...

Yeah lately has been a self growing experience, I'll get into it more tomorrow when it counts for the NaNoWriMo. Ho shit. 8 weeks?! Damn, this year went by so fast.

http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

Jennifer Brown Banks said...

Happy belated birthday, Yvonne! Stay in the game, because you're definitely a winner. :-)

Yvonne said...

Thanks so much Jennifer!