Wednesday, September 29, 2010

For Rebecca

My heart is heavy tonight. A dear friend of mine, 8 months pregnant, lost her baby over the weekend. She took a bad fall down some stairs and by the time she arrived to the hospital, it was too late, the baby was gone. How could this have happened? When I found out she had fallen, I worried but I never thought she would lose the baby. Eight months!!! I was in total shock when I learned the truth. How do you console someone that is going through that? There are no words that can ease her pain. Oh I can drum up the cliches, "Everything happens for a reason", "You're still very young, you can try again, later.", "You will get through this." But all of that just seems so empty.

Rebecca is a beautiful, young and vibrant woman. She's in her early twenties and this was her first baby. I had just spoken to her last week, we talked about the baby and I told her how I couldn't wait til Nicole was born! (That was going to be her name) and I made plans to visit her soon. I cannot even imagine the pain and the sorrow she and her husband must be going through. To lose someone you love is difficult enough, but when it's your child, your infant that you carried in your tummy, oh my gosh! What a horrible, horrible thing!

I've been thinking a lot about how she is going to grieve. How her life will forever be changed by this tragedy. I only hope that she finds solace and peace, soon.


Belle said...

It is always difficult, if not impossible, to say anything that will help people who are grieving. Mostly, I just say, "I am so sorry." Usually the person wants to talk and talk about their grief, but not always.

This is a terrible tragedy for your friend.

Shady Del Knight said...

This was a great tragedy and I became very sad reading about it. In the minutes, hours and days immediately following an event such as this when the wound is still fresh and deep there are few words to comfort Rebecca. All I can offer is the familiar reminder that time heals all wounds.

Think of your friend's life as a movie projected on a screen in a theater. FF the movie ahead to a year from now. Cnances are you will see her calm and stable with her life back to normal. You will see her once again experiencing joy, laughter and even ecstasy. A year from now Nicole might have a new baby on the way and the focus will be on the hope and possibility represented by that new life. She will never forget the child she lost but the passage of time, the love and support of family and friends, and the addition of new choices in her life will enable her to carry on.

It's difficult to imagine right now but some good can ultimately come from this unspeakable tragedy. Rebecca can take all the love she was storing for Nicole and lavish it on her new child. She can reach out to other women who have suffered a terrible loss of their own and help them through their grief. Grief, despair, depression, anger, bitterness - they are all normal byproducts of a tragic event like this, but that energy can be harnessed and channeled into something positive.