Saturday, September 11, 2010

The Fall Guy

So tonight I want to talk about something that happened to me earlier today. Ready, set, go? Good. You've heard of (I'm sure) the "Rebound" guy, the "Fall Guy" right? He's the one that is attracted to you, gives you attention, feeds your ego -sound familiar? I thought so. Well, we all have at least one of those in our lives -don't lie, you know it's true! Even me. Take tonight for example, I came home exhausted from working another 14 hour day. All I wanted was someone to hold me and comfort me. All at once the pangs of longing for "HIM" (the guy who shall remain nameless)filled my soul and I wanted desperately for those pangs to go away. So what do I do? I decide to call my "Fall" guy. Gustabo. (not his real name -obvious) Gustabo is someone I met months ago. He is very much interested in me but I don't feel the same way. HOWEVER, in times of need or despair or sheer madness, I call on him. We go out. He dotes on me, makes me the center of his universe and thoroughly tries to woo me. But he can't. I'm just not interested in him in "that" way. Yet, somehow all of that disappears the minute I need diversion. It's a very self-serving situation indeed! Thankfully, reason decided to return to my head before I did anything stupid, like call Gustabo. I had already picked up my cell, fingers ready to dial! What a selfish, uncaring witch I was being! How dare I use someone like that! Especially since I knew how he felt about me. Because for all the colorful ways I can phrase this, it was crystal clear, I had been using someone and perhaps even hurting his feelings. I had been leading him on in a sense. And that is just not cool at all. Sigh, I felt really bad after that. And I guess this post is my atonement. I get that we all have needs and wants and desires, and we get a case of the lonelies from time to time, but that's no excuse to use someone. I know, because I have been used in the past, much worse than Gustabo even. And it's a very painful situation to be in. Wow, amazing how clarity beats you down! So I didn't call him after all. Instead I took a hard look at myself and decided that I needed to re-evaluate my decisions of late. It's wrong to go out with someone when you know full well, that that person is not your type or not someone that you want to "date". I'm not saying don't date at all. I mean, how will we ever know if we're compatible if we don't go out? I'm saying, if you meet someone and you know immediately that there is no way in hell that you would ever date him/her then why bother going out with him/her anyway? What is the point? And then there are the emotion factors. Gustabo for example, when I met him, I could tell he was interested, I could tell he wanted to see me again. But I knew, I knew ten minutes into our conversation that he wasn't someone I would ever date. And instead of walking away, I knowingly did quite the opposite. In the end, I hurt him. He's never said as much, but I know I did. And that's just not right, especially after someone had done the very same thing to me.

So boys and girls, if someone professes their love to you or their infatuation to you or whatever the case may be, and you just don't feel the same way, run! Don't look back. That part is non-negotiable. You never know when the same thing may happen to you.

Lesson learned.


Belle said...

Good for you for not calling him.
There was a boy in highschool I used, and I have always felt guilty about that.

Shady Del Knight said...

"It's not's me!" I used that lame exit line many times over the years and I have been on the receiving end of it just as often. I have been the dumper and the dumpee. I have been hurt and I regret that I have hurt others. Yet, with so much at stake, we owe it to ourselves to use whatever words necessary - diplomatic or blunt - to extricate ourselves from a relationship when we know it isn't right for us. If we don't have the courage to walk away we are not only wasting time but running the risk that a very sticky situation could develop.

I once tried to break off a relationship with a woman that I had been dating for more than a year because I knew that she was wrong for me. She didn't get the message. She wouldn't take "no" for an answer. One Friday night she showed up on my doorstep uninvited with her suitcases in hand demanding to spend the weekend with me. Her plan was the same as always - to use sex as a weapon to get me to change my mind. My resolve weakened. Instead of using my brain I let another body part do my thinking. We resumed the relationship. Several months later I caught her cheating on me and I was the one who wound up getting hurt.

Bottom line: there is no greater high than waking up in the morning knowing that you stayed in control the night before and made resourceful choices. There is no worse hell than waking up the morning after with the dreadful realization that you yielded to temptation, rang a bell that can't be unrung, and did something that will have long range consequences, such as a failed marriage with children that ends in a painful divorce, catching a disease, inviting a stalker into your world, or having to deal with a jealous spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend.

You should thank yourself, Yvonne. At a critical moment last night you sucked it up, accessed your personal power, and avoided a potentially huge, game changing mistake. In the long run you did what's best for you and for him.