Thursday, August 5, 2010

Dulce Enemiga

"Sweet Enemy" -that's what the title means. I'm sweet and I'm an enemy -to myself. They say that we are our worst/harshest critic, and well, "they" are right, we are. I'm not proud of a lot of things I have done in my life but yet I somehow manage to go on, to persevere. But sometimes, like today, like yesterday, like for the past few weeks, I can't muster up the courage to go on. Oh I manage, and I put on that brave front, and I smile. But inside, inside I'm dying a slow death. I don't like to look in the mirror anymore. The reflection of myself doesn't lie. I see failure. I see failure. I can't get past that, so I simply stop looking. I'm so used to be being "the friend" -the one everyone turns to when they are in trouble, when they are sad, when they need someone to help -that's me. I can motivate like no one else! Sadly, I just can't do it to myself. The part that kills me is that I've let down the one person in the world who loves me the most -my mom. It absolutely tears me apart when I see her, because I can see all of her worries, her doubts, her disappointments when she looks at me.

I know this dark period of my life will pass. It always does. But how do make sure it doesn't return? Can I? And how, oh how do I get out of this black hole? I'm clawing my way out, but I keep slipping.

This is not me...

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