So in my ongoing quest to "figure" myself out and better myself, I've been doing a lot of reading. A LOT! I'm reading self-help books, how-to books, and English literature -for fun! lol I've also been doing lots of soul searching -looking for a deeper meaning I guess. To life? Sure, but mostly, a deeper meaning to me. I suspect many people go through this at different points in their lives. You know, like when you turn 30 or 40 or 50, etc. Well, I have been down this road before, the difference now is that I'm ready to face whatever demons I have to face. I truly am searching and looking for answers to myself. I am ready to embrace ALL of me, and move on to become a better version. I've had an epiphany of sorts. Almost like a fog is lifted and you can see so clearly. That's how I feel. I want to know what I'm made of and why I am the way I am. I'm not a saint, definitely a sinner, and not a failure -though at times, I make myself out to be just that. I'm slowly learning how to love myself again. I keep going over things that have happened in my life, milestones that shaped me and molded me into the person I am today. It's not always an easy task to do and at times proves daunting. No one likes to stare at themselves in the mirror when you're staring the truth in the face. So that's what I've been up to lately. With it, comes anger, repressed memories, tears, joy, sadness, -it's been cathartic and disheartening and enlightening all at once! It's a long road ahead I have to face, but I will face it head on, because I have to -for me.
Thanks for indulging me, you've been great! Be good to the waitstaff and see you next time! :)
4 comments:
I believe what the Greeks said is true: Know thyself. It is important to understand why we do the things we do.
I'm in the fall of my 38th year and I'm beginning to do the same. Clearing out the cobwebs and hidden places and becoming who I am meant to be. I think it's a very positive thing. I completely understand the clearing of the fog. Doesn't it feel fantastic not to fight life but flow within it?
Yvonne, I am so happy for you!.... It is a wonderful thing to face your fears...face yourself and face reality....WITH A PLAN!.... without a plan you will just do it again...and again. To discover your purpose, engage in it with passion... is what life is about. I may not always be easy, frustrating at times and painful...but we forge on to the WHY of life... happy journey to you.
It takes a lot of courage to face your demons but the process of self-discovery is so worth it.
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