It hit me tonight like a ton of bricks! Tomorrow is the anniversary of our friendship! Seventeen years tomorrow, I met my soul mate and my life is all the better for it!
Who would have guessed that we would ever become friends. I didn't even like you when we met remember??? You came across as a stuck up jerk!!! lol
But then we shared our first of many, many "hot chocolates" at first One's A Meal and then Starbucks! lol And the rest is history!
I have often wondered what would have happened if you and I had dated. For whatever reasons, for many reasons, we just never "clicked" that way. I believe that had we dated, we would be married right now. We would have children. We would be deliriously happy.
But things happen and we formed our separate lives but always maintained our friendship. You are my best friend in the entire world and I am yours.
So my friend, how shall we celebrate our anniversary tomorrow??? I know, let's go to Sambuca and listen to Norma Zenteno, as I drink my wine and you drink your beer! Oh!! And of course we'll dance! We're a regular Fred and Ginger on the dance floor! lol Then, you'll drive me home, hug me good night and I'll go inside my house. My phone will ring right at the moment I'm drifting off to sleep and it's you, telling me you made it home safely. -There have been so many evenings with that exact same ending!!!
In reality, you will not be coming to pick me up. Instead, I will be going to visit your grave. It's been over a year and still, still I cry and still I feel the guilt! I play the gut wrenching "what if" games over and over in my head.
Foolish I know. There are no such things as "should haves" and "what ifs".
I miss you so much. I miss my time with you.