Warning: Shopping May be Detrimental to Your Self-Esteem

It really sucks when one of your favorite past-times is ruined because of something someone says or assumes about you.  Kind of that moment that you realize there is no real Santa Claus.  Yeah, kinda like that.

The other day I went to Ross.  (think Target but cheaper more reasonably priced) After picking up a few things, I went to the first available cashier, handed her my items and waited for the total.  The cashier was all of 19, maybe.  She rang everything up and then looked at me and asked, "Are you a Senior Citizen?"  Wait.  Whaaaat?  Naturally, being the blurt the first thing that comes to mind kinda gal, I replied, "Do I look like a senior citizen???"  I said it with a smile on my face but inside I was freaking out.   I mean, no one and I mean, NO ONE has ever asked me that before and I still get carded at bars and clubs.  Ok, just once but still.  I immediately started thinking I looked like Sophia from Golden Girls instead of Salma Hayek. No there is no resemblance between me and Salma. I am just being dramatic again.  Anyway, the poor cashier thought I was about to go off on her.  She had this wide-eyed look on her face and began apologizing profusely.  "No mam, I, I it's Senior Citizen Tuesday and I have to ask every guest."  -uh huh, every guest.  Sure you do.  I didn't blurt out what I was thinking but instead eased her angst and told her it was ok, that I was not offended, just found it funny.  Heh.  Funny my ass.  She gave me my change and my bag of goodies and  I told her to have a great evening and walked out of the store.

Driving home I kept wondering to myself if all this time that I thought I looked great for having turned fifty, I actually looked like, like, well, like Sophia from Golden Girls, or worse, Dorothy!  Of course that would be kind of impossible since I'm only 4'10 and she is an Amazon. I know it's silly but that girl's question really messed me up.  Had I let myself go?  Did I look like those wannabe youngsters that were really middle-aged phonies?  Had I lost my hotness factor and suddenly turned into an *old woman*???  My mind went into overdrive and I suddenly became sad.

Naturally, upon arriving home, I recounted my mis-adventure to my sister, my mom, my best friend.  Basically anyone who would listen.  And basically, I drove them nuts for the next few days.  See? I am a little alot OCD.  I can't just 'forget about it' like everyone told me to.  I wanted answers dammit.  I wanted validation that I was not old and decrepit.  I wanted to be told I was beautiful and hot and not elderly at all.  But alas, no one told me those things. Well, they told me I didn't look like a senior citizen.  Meaning, I didn't look old.  But since I obsess about everything, I just could not let it go.

I poured over recent and old photos of me.  I examined my wardrobe.  I still didn't see it. I still didn't see "old" when I looked at those pictures or when I looked in the mirror.  Sure, I'm older.  Sure, I have a wrinkle or two and laugh lines.  But elderly? Me?  Not on my watch sister.  Not today and not tomorrow either. I dusted myself off, wiped the pity party tears and declared myself "old as I want to be" and reminded myself that age is nothing but a number.  And that night, I put on my hottest outfit, wore my signature deep red lipstick, flipped my hair and went out to a friend's party. Totally rocked being fifty.  Oh and got a 25 year old hottie's number too. So what if I will never call him? The important lesson here kiddies, is that we are all beautiful/handsome and sexy as we make ourselves feel.  It has nothing to do with others' perception of us. 

But I don't think I will go back to that particular Ross store anytime soon.