I'm Fifty Y'all!

In a little over an hour I will turn fifty years old.  FIFTY.YEARS.OLD.  Let that sink in will you?  I always thought that turning this age meant that I was a senior citizen, that I would look like what grandmothers used to look like back when I was a little girl.  But I keep looking in the mirror and I don't see the grandma looking back at me or the senior citizen.  I see wrinkles for sure and flabby skin that shouldn't be there (Work in progress.  Am I right ladies?)  But no, no old lady here.  Sometimes I feel old, my knees ache, my back hurts, arthritis kicks in, I need reading glasses -the usual you know?  But my spirit?  Hell my spirit is ageless.  It's currently about twenty-five.  As a matter of fact, I threw the most awesome, insanely sexy and paparazzi worthy birthday party ever on Friday night.  I wore the sexy dress, high heels, and drank champagne as if it was water.  I have not partied like that in years.  It was outrageously fun and exciting and fabulous.

I didn't get to bed until 5:00 a.m. and was up by 9:00 to meet friends for breakfast.  I may or may not have still been drunk.  That's still under review.  Yeah right.  We all know I was still under the influence.  But I went and I ate and I was happy to be in the company of good friends and family. 

As my birthday draws nearer,  I find myself. doing a lot of soul searching and reflection about my life thus far.  I've been very blessed, I am very blessed to have an incredible family who supports me and loves me unconditionally and in spite of my sometimes bad choices I've made in my life.  Without them, I would be lost.  Still, I have a few regrets on where my life is at this point.  There were a few things I regret letting go, things I should have accomplished already.  Among them is that horrific Scarlet Letter if you will, that I seem to be carrying on my forehead.  You know the  "S'" for single and "NC" for No Children.  My family all but gave up on me.  Some of my extended family is still hopeful and continuously try to set me up.  But as I tell them over and over and OVER again, I'm really ok being single.  Really.  I mean, sure I would love to have a special guy in my life, sure I have always wanted to be married and I used to want children.  But things don't always work out the way we picture them to work out in our minds.  And maybe I will eventually meet my "Mr. Big"  No I'm not referencing a male genitalia, get your mind out of the gutter.   I'm referencing Carrie Bradshaw's Prince Charming.  If you don't get the reference, look it up.  I'm not giving up on love, my love.  I'm a romantic through and through but I am not wallowing either.  I've got new adventures to experience. I am still alive, I'm still here and life is wonderful.  This life of mine is anything but perfect.  But I love it and I cherish every heartache, every failure, every success, every love I have encountered.  I would not be the woman I am today, were it not for these things.

If there is one thing I have learned in these almost 50 years, it is that we are here on this planet we call Earth, for such a short time.  So I choose to make the best of what I have and change what I don't like about it.  I've only just scratched the surface.  There is more, so much more that this girl is going to do with her life so watch out.  It's only the beginning.

Good bye forties.  I love you and I thank you for life's lessons.  Bring it 50!