When people let me down
when I feel as if there is nothing left to give
when I feel as if I am all alone
I come here
to my sanctuary
The familiar blank screen
staring at me
willing me to decorate it with my words
Here I feel safe
And so I write
Sometimes, none of it makes any sense
other times, my words are stellar
One of the reasons I started blogging again in 2010, (after an extended break in 2007) was because I was falling into a deep onset of depression. The MONSTER, as I so lovingly named it. Writing during that dark period of my life was therapeutic and cathartic. The blog friends I made along the way, helped me ways that they will truly never know. And they still do. And I find that amazingly comforting to me.
There is a lot of inner turmoil going on with me. I'm finding myself questioning not only my life, and decisions I've made, but also accepting hard lessons, letting go of painful situations and sifting through people who profess to have your best interest at heart, but not really. Everywhere I turn, it seems people are only out to look out for themselves, to see what is in it for them. You would think I would have learned my lesson after the hundredth millionth time, but no, I am a second chance kinda gal. And I am also freaking out about my age and my upcoming birthday. I know, I know, age is just a number and I'm only as old as I feel and all the other quick one liners and pick me ups, that are being thrown out there. It's akin to me having a mid-life crisis, without the boy toy or the sporty car. Make sense? Meh, just go with it, ok???
It's exhausting, all this self-awareness and realization crap! And it's also emotionally draining. As I'm sure those of you who are still reading this, can attest to.
Tomorrow is another day, and all that...
By the way, all of you taking the time to read this all the way through, are the BEST! xoxo