Thursday, June 28, 2012

So You Think You Can Date?

In my futile, yet ongoing quest to find someone to go out with that isn't a creep, or a stalker, or a man trapped in a man's body, but longing to be a woman, or a cheater, or a dead-beat dad, or an asshole (Can I picke-em or what? My list is endless), I have now resorted to playing it safe and decided to live vicariously through my single friends' dating lives instead.  Tonight, I want to talk to you about Kendra.  Kendra is an intelligent, beautiful, sexy and charming woman.  She's got everything a man could ever want and more!  So why is she still single, you ask?  Good question.  I wish I had a good answer for you.  But I don't.  It's a great mystery.  Kind of like, when my family and friends, strangers even, ask me the exact same thing, "Why are you STILL single?" -except now they do it with a tinge of sadness in their voice.  Oh wait.  This is about Kendra.  My bad.  Ok, so Kendra is a hopeless romantic, she's never met a stranger, is not shy, will tell you exactly what she is feeling, when she is feeling it and why, and just totally rocks!  Recently, she decided to give the ol' dating roulette another whirl.  Her  victim prospect was a Scottish fellow she met on a dating site.  She gushed and giggled and was downright giddy from all of the emails being exchanged.  And this was only a few days in!  Well, their blooming tale, quickly moved to the "phone" stage and eventually, the" first date" stage.  And this is where the fun really began!  They decided (at his suggestion) to meet for lemonade and/or iced  tea and sit on the swing at a local eating establishment.  See, the fact that he suggested "lemonade and/or tea and then sit on a swing at a local restaurant", would have sent all kinds of red flags into my head.  But hey, that's just me.  So she goes on this date, they sit on the swing, outside, in the sweltering heat, and drink lemonade or iced tea (I forgot which), all the while engaging in a great conversation.  FIVE hours later, they are finishing up their "date", (and another pitcher of lemonade, no doubt!) when he asks for a second date, the following night.  She says yes, is super excited and goes on and on about how nice this date was.  Fast forward a few days later.  Kendra and I meet up to chat and she begins telling me about date number two, with Mr. Charming.  For this date, they went to a restaurant (again, at HIS urging) for dinner.  Not five minutes in, he tells her that he was going to ask her to accompany him to the Scottish Consulate's gala that the had been invited to, but that he just couldn't get past her annoying and very loud laugh.  Furthermore, her perfume smelled cheap.  He would, however, consider giving her a second chance if she promised him not to laugh like "that" and wear a different perfume the night of the gala.  Really.  He said that.  Out loud.  Kendra initially thought he was joking with her, but quickly realized he was serious. She did what any self-respecting woman would do in this case (no, no, not beat his ass), she ordered her dinner, drank her wine, spoke to him intelligently, and laughed, a lot, very, very, obnoxiously.  If he was going to accuse her of having an annoying laugh, who was she to disappoint the moron???  He had the audacity to ask her to stop the laughing or else he would get up and leave.  Now, isn't that rude? What a jerk! Kendra being, well, Kendra, looked him in the eye and told him in simple words, so he would understand, that she had never been treated so ugly in all her life and that clearly he was the one with the problem and perhaps he needed to look within himself to figure out what that problem was, otherwise, he was going to be on a lot of dating sites for a long, long, time.  And then SHE left.

Now I ask you, wtf was his problem? I've dated losers, idiots, scam artists, cheating liars, and the elusive, "great guy", and not one, has ever spoken to me like that or told me something so assinine in all of my dating life!  Seriously guys? This is what you resort to?  Good lord! No wonder we're still single!

Dating used to be fun.  A long time ago.  I think, I don't remember. I tend to weave fantasy with reality these days, when it comes to this subject.

What's a girl to do, I ask you!?


Alessandra said...

That guy should have had the word ASS painted on his forehead. The only time something similar happened to me was not long after I came to this country. The guy I was somewhat dating (another ass), told me I had to 'get rid of my accent'. You know, like you get rid of an ugly pair of shoes. Needless to say, we didn't date much.

Yvonne said...

Alessandra- Ha! He should!!! "Get rid of your accent" --seriously? What a loser! Unbelievable!

Miss Vicki said...

There's a big letter "L" in the middle of this guys forehead...seriously who does he think is? I love how she played out the rest of the night...proud of you Kendra! I can see why I remain single :-)

Yvonne said...

Miss Vicki- you are so right!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

I bet this guy has plenty of his own flaws that he just can't see.
And to treat Kendra like that- what a pig! Good for her for moving on in such a mature way.

Yvonne said...

YRJ- Oh I'm sure he does! Kendra's a hoot! I'm really surprised she didn't tell him off and throw something at him! lol