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Sunday, September 18, 2011

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So I'm not really in a creative mood.  Hence, the lack of a title for this post.  Apologies.  I'm just down in the dumps.  Alright, topic for tonight?  The matter of friendship.  That's what's been weighing heavily on my heart lately.  What is your definition of a "friend" ? We all know there are great ones out there! Lucy and Ethel, Bert and Ernie, Laverne and Shirley, Laurel and Hardy, and well you get the picture right?  I'm asking because I've realized that perhaps my definition is a bit skewed. Some people come into your life for only a moment and then leave once their "purpose" is met.  There are others who come to you  in the guise of a "friend" and use you to their advantage (if you let them) and then when they are done, they will discard you like trash. Yet there are others that truly mean something to you and those friendships last a lifetime.  I have friends I've known since kindergarten and am still friends with today.  My friendship with the *Musketeers is a relationship that I treasure with all of my heart.  Friends are supposed to be there to support you, to pick you up after you've fallen, to slap the crap out of you if you deserve it or to help you slap the crap out of someone else if they deserve it.  They become an extension of who you are.  I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I want to believe that everyone has some good in them. In short, I guess I set myself up every.single.time. The thing is, I don't take my relationships lightly. Platonic or otherwise.  When I give, I give 110% of me, without a second thought.  Is that wrong? Someone very close to me has hurt me really bad.  So much so that I'm kind of in "mourning" for the demise of what I thought was a solid relationship.  Yeah, the joke's on me.  I've wrote about it, I've prayed about it, I've even cried about it.  And you know what? The only conclusion I can come up with, is that he was a jerk.  He was a liar. He was a master manipulator.   A friendship is based on trust.  My relationship with *Gustabo came at a time in my life when I truly needed someone.  And so did he.  We hit it off, we started getting to know each other, trepidly at first, as trust was a major issue for both of us.  But through the course of a few months, we were soon inseparable and each other's most loudest cheerleader.  I trusted him blindly and stood by him in good times and in bad.  We both did.  I was blessed.  I thanked God for sending him to me.  Apparently, I was a just a means to an end for him.  And everything we shared, was a joke.  On me.  Do you have any idea how that feels?  I am so angry that I fell for it so easily! I fell for it over and over and over again!  But in spite of that, it was an eye-opener for me.  And how I treat the people that are allowed in my inner circle.  This experience will not break me.  It may knock me down for a while.  It may make me sad for a long time.  But it will not break me.  I am a good person. I did not deserve this.  But it is what it is.   Do I  miss him? I miss him every day.  And it aches in my heart, a little bit more each time.  It's been almost two weeks, but I'm just now dealing with my emotions.  I had not wanted to face them. Kinda hard to do with them staring you back in the face!  Ugh! Time to move on.

So it's Sunday night guys! What's going on?  How was the weekend for y'all?  It rained here finally! Real rain too, not that pesky 5 minute crap! It still needs to rain more, so if y'all have any pull with Mother Nature, tell her Houston is still really, really, really thirsty!

Alright, you know the drill.  Monday's on deck, make it a great week!

10 comments:

Jennifer Hillier said...

I'm sorry you're going through this, Yvonne. Nobody deserves to be played like that. Do you believe in karma? I do, and what goes around comes around. He'll get his.

In the meantime, you just remember what an amazing person you are. Because you are.

Belle said...

Oh Yvonne. What you describe is so horrible. I cannot imagine what kind of person would do that to someone. Honestly, I can't. This is not only a loss to you but worse than that - a betrayal. I'm very sorry.

Ruth said...

That just sucks. It hurts when someone you care about turns out to be somebody other than you thought they were.

Kelley said...

Oh, I am so sorry! It really is awful to feel duped by someone that you really cared about. I hope that each day is brighter than the last for you!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

So sorry, Yvonne. Sometimes the people closest to us end up hurting us the most.
Keep faith in better days ahead with friends who are worthy of your friendship.
xoRobyn

Yvonne said...

Jennifer -thanks so much for that! And yes, I whole-heartedly believe in karma! Indeed he will get his!

Belle- thanks doll!

Ruth- yes it really does suck. I am at a loss...

Kelley- aww, thanks so much! that means a lot to me. i'll be fine in no time!

Robyn- I'm keeping my chin up and keeping the faith. Thanks Robyn!

The Frisky Virgin said...

The kind of friend you are is the kind of friend I am...and I've been blindsided time and time again by the kind of people you describe.

In fact, I'm going through something very similar right now. I'm getting ready to write a post about it, but it's like I haven't really wanted to face it, if that makes any sense.

You can take solace in knowing you are truly wonderful friend and person. True friends are so hard to find. And, really, it shouldn't be that hard. I don't think I'll ever fully understand how some people think (or act, for that matter).

I'm so sorry you are going through this, sweetie. Each day will get a little easier, I promise. *Hugs*

Yvonne said...

FV- :) I knew I liked you for a reason! Thanks sweets!!!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about friendship myself lately. I think I am one of those who trusts too much, but then I tend to hold back if/when I get hurt and then it affects other relationships.
Ugh! The merry-go-round can be rough sometimes...
I try to have real friendships with people I can respect. Sometimes I get played, but I still keep trying.

Yvonne said...

So true Jasmine! Gotta keep trying!