Does our job define who we are? What happens when we lose our job? Does that make us less of a success? Does it mean we are a failure? Why is it that when something like this happens we tend to feel our sense of self all of a sudden and feel meaningless? Why is it that because we lose our job we feel inadequate, embarrassed even?
Is having a job really all that we are?
Friday afternoon I was "let go" by my boss, due to "our firm going in a different direction..." Uh huh. Different direction my big booty! The loss of my job came as a complete shock to me. Two months ago I had my mid year review and received nothing but praise and even a raise! To say that the rug was pulled under my feet would be putting it mildly. I am still in shock. My boss went on to explain changes he was implementing in the coming weeks and since we were so small, someone (me) had to be the scapegoat. He went on to say how it was a "very difficult decision." But he wished me "all the best." This is the same boss that I complained about early last year. The one that drove me to tears and sent me home with my stomach in knots and my neck stiff as a board, most every night.
Losing my job has me on a roller coaster of emotions. First I am in mourning, then the worries set in, and finally, panic. Oh I am trying to remain hopeful and optimistic and keep myself busy so as not to obsess about it, but all the while, the voices keep yelling at me: "Rent is coming up", "Car note is due", etc. Sometimes I can silence them, sometimes I can't. It's only been two days but it feels like an eternity.
And so I ask again, is our J-O-B what defines us and makes us who we are? Should we be measured by having a job versus not having a job? Does not having a job makes us any less of a person or a success? Why? Why not?
I realize I am babbling but these are questions that came to me as I find myself in my current situation. I know the difference between having a career and doing something you love versus just having a job and bringing home a paycheck. I've tried to look at my situation in terms of a "new slate", "starting over" but even then, the feelings of worthlessness and/or failure remain. And even, a sense of embarrasment. Am I being too hard on myself? Of course I am. I realize that, but it makes me stronger in a way. Like everyone else caught in this situation, I find myself having to make adjustments and decisions that I did not think I was ever going to have make and it sucks! It sucks really bad! But I am resilient, this I know. And I will bounce back, once everything settles and I am back on my feet. With the job loss came other news that crumbled my single, carefree, sometimes happy life. Within the span of a day, everything changed.
Ugh, change, changes! So many...
Tomorrow is another day...