Saturday, February 19, 2011

Change is Coming

What is your passion? What drives you? Motivates you? Inspires you? What makes you get up every morning and live? For the longest time, I have been letting my life, live me. Meaning, I did things because they were expected of me, because that’s what “adults” do, because I was not not living my life, it was living me. Last August, I began what I call, my journey to "A Better Version of Myself".  I set out to make changes in my life that were necessary in order for me to go forward with my journey.  I also decided to stop blaming everyone else for what was going on in my life and own up to my faults and my truths, and my mistakes. By doing so, I liberated my “self”, so to speak. The self that had been trapped in my body, bound by my own actions, my own guilt.  This change of mine is an ongoing process and it's proven to be challenging and very trying, to say the least.  There have been times that I've waved the white towel and given up.  Given in to the voices in my head that say, "What's the use?", "It's not going to happen!", "You're never going to change!" --- But despite the "surrender", I got back up and started again, after all, everyone knows Rome wasn't built in a day!   I've hit road blocks and had to climb over them, around them, and under them, to get to the next point.  It's all been very difficult, but very worth it. By no means am I done, I've got a long way to go but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It's  a question of how bad I want to change, how bad I want the prize?  I want it so bad, I crave it.  In my case, the "prize" would ultimately be a better version of myself.  In ALL aspects of my life.  There was a time not too long ago, that I feared falling back into the "black hole", the "abyss" ---my codewords for the depression that engulfed me.  I think it is because of that fear, that this drive I have inside of me to change, is so strong. 

The success of my journey is also largely due to you, the bloggers who not only read but also take time to comment on this little blog of mine.  Writing has helped me tremendously.  Words will never be enough to thank you for that.

And so I continue to fight the good fight.

6 comments:

Belle said...

Good for you not to give up. It is definately possible to grow into a better person.
It does help to write down your feelings doesn't it? It helps to have friends listen and understand. I'm glad blogging has helped you, it has helped me too.

David Batista said...

Aww shucks . . . :)

But, seriously, you seem like you know where you want to be and how to get there. That in itself is priceless, regardless of whether or not you're actual there yet.

Good luck on your journey!

Yvonne said...

Belle - Yes it's awesome to have this outlet and this quasi "support" group! ;)

David - Thanks! I'm enjoying the journey and am excited to see how it turns out!

♥ The Lyrical Designer ♥ said...

Yvonnnnnnnnnnne :) you are super cool in my book. You are funny and you keep your chin up even though you have horrible days and through your blog i feel somehow...encouraged.

so yeah, you are super cool!!

( there is some dude out there...who is at this moment cleaning his wings to fly to you!!)

Yvonne said...

LD - :) you just made my day! thanks for you that. and i agree, he's just cleaning his wings! ;0

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Yvonne- Thank you for allowing us to be a part of this process with you. Even as a newcomer to your blog I can see that you are going through some important changes.

I too am still trying to understand everything that big changes mean. I just know that the feeling is so worth all the work and strangeness along the way.

What an exciting time for you!