Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sex talk, Girls and Alcohol

Sex is overrated! That's what a lot of my girlfriends tell me when we are having one of our infamous discussions about what else? Men. Usually accompanied with alcohol. Oh who am I kidding? ALWAYS accompanied with alcohol! So this time was no different, surrounded by our "friends", Patron, Cristal, Grey (Goose that is), and a never-ending supply of wine, my girls and I sat around my dinning room table one Saturday night. We contemplated life and relationships. A couple of friends in the group are married, one is in a relationship and another is engaged and then there is me, the single one. So talk turns to sex. Contrary to popular belief, women I find, more so than men, tend to be a bit more private and reserved when it comes to this topic -especially if they are married or in a relationship. I on the other hand, become Chatty Cathy! Where was I? Oh right, sex. I ask if after being married, does the sexual energy die a slow death or increase the urge. "Magda" (not her real name of course) responds and says that in her case the sex has never been better! She talks of having to fake the "headache" at times because her hubby's appetite is never satisfied. Then there is "Thelma" whose 5 year relationship with her boyfriend has had more drama lately than a spanish telenovela! "I have to "ask" for it most of the time!" she says as she downs a shot of Patron. All movement and noise cease to exist upon hearing her say that. "What do you mean you have to ask for it???" We all looked at each other in disbelief. "It's true, he doesn't want it all the time or hardly ever it seems..." Which begged the question, "Do you think he's cheating on you?" "I don't know..." was her response. Well needless to say, that little bit of exchange put a damper on our conversation. But filled with the "show must go on" mindset, I quickly decide to focus the attention on me. "I haven't had sex in almost a year." Again, silence, looks of disbelief and questions. "Why the hell not?" and "Whatever! You're lying!" Now why would they think I was lying? Did my friends secretly think I was some sort of sex addict? lol Actualy, that might be a good thing! At least then my fictitious alter ego would be getting "a lil sumpthin-sumpthin"! So the rest of the evening was spent discussing why I purposely have been living the life of the celibate kind and when was this "nonesense" going to end??? The thing is I'm not "purposely" living anything! I just haven't met anyone that I care enough for to want to do the "horizontal mambo" with.(Who thinks of these names? Seriously!) I decided a almost a year ago, that empty sex, no matter how good it is, was just that, empty. And I'm tired of the empties. I want more than that. Why is that so difficult to understand?
"What's empty sex?" my girl friend asks me. This time it's just me, her and a Cabernet."Empty sex is when you have sex just to have it. You know, those "visits" in the wee hours of the early morning or late night? Sex with no strings." There, that should be clear enough.
"Don't you miss it?"
"Miss what? The emptiness I'm left to deal with afterward? No not at all!"
Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of nocturnal visits in my day but even that, after a while, can become cumbersome. I want more.
So, after two separate get-togethers with my "girlies" none of us are any wiser about men, or relationships, or men. ha!

Oh screw it! (pun intended naturally!) I'll drink to that!


Annah said...

Hahahhahaa. Women are all the same apparently. My friends and I do NOTHING but talk about men when we get together (with an average of 5-8 bottles of wine of course).

You know VERY well I can sympathize with you as far as the empty sex, but sometimes, you just need to feel the closeness of a male body no? I mean... as long as YOU can kick him out afterwards, which apparently most women aren't able to do. But I truly do believe that if you lay the terms right, empty sex shouldn't be so empty afterall. Not to worry, I'll tell you as soon as this vow is over. *evil laugh*

Anonymous said...

Ha! Definitely agree that sometimes we just need to "feel" someone close to us. And then send them on their way when we're done with-em! lol TRUST me, I am thinking of resorting to my ahem, "little black book" or in my case, the little "it's been a LONG ASS time, you'll do" book! tehehehe! muahahahahahahaha!!!!

Yvonne said...

Ok, blogspot is whack! I posted under my name but it came out "anonymous". -Hilarious!

Shady Del Knight said...

As a world renowned expert in this field, Yvonne, I can tell you that "horizontal mambo" exploded into the pop culture mainstream in 1983 after its use in the hit motion picture Flashdance.

Johnny C (owner of the Zanzibar strip club): You look like you could dance real good.

Jeanie (impressionable Mawby's tavern waitress and wannabe figure skating champ): I'm practicing.

Johnny C: Yeah? You know how to do the horizontal mambo?

Glad to be of service, Yvonne, and I very much enjoy your writing style!

Yvonne said...

Thanks for the definition! I'll have to watch Flashdance again just for the reference! lol

And thanks for your kind words about my writing!