Farewell 2016

Driving home tonight, I was listening to the radio (yes, I still listen to the car radio) and Auld Lang Syne came on.  That song always makes me sad.  I don't really understand it half the time.  Just that it makes me sad.   I think the song is toasting to "old times", "remembering", and "new times".  At least, that's what I think it means.  Well friends, 2016 is just about done.  So many people I know and people I don't know are so very happy to see this year finally be over.  I'm one of them.  While this year was not totally disastrous for me, it did prove to be quite daunting, disheartening and over burdened at times. But hey it wasn't all that horrible, I managed to turn fifty in October. Fifty.  Wow, even in text it feels surreal that I'm half a century old.  I feel just as I did at twenty-five but not as naïve or gullible.  So you see friends, the year was not a total nightmare.  So many other things happened, where do I even start?  I know, I'll tell you what didn't happen.

I didn't lose 100 lbs as I wanted to and honestly believed I would achieve by my birthday.  I only lost 40lbs but I still rocked the sexy dress at my party.  My Prince Charming did not appear on his horse ready to trot me away to happily ever after.  No, I think he's lost -maybe permanently.  Instead in his place appeared Sir Liar, Sir I'm Bipolar But Won't Take Meds, Sir Overly Jealous, Sir Irresponsible and oh yes, lest I forget, Sir Married man er, men.   Lucky aren't I?  Heh.

Let's see, what else didn't happen?  Well, much to the disappointment of my father, I didn't win the lotto.  I can't bring myself to tell him that I actually never bought a ticket of any kind.  I mean, why break his heart after all?

The Astros did not make it to the playoffs but hey, as of today, Opening Day is less than four months away.  -Silver linings everywhere.

But 2016 did bring about some pretty nifty things.  In June my family and I took our annual vacation.  We went back to Cancun and for six glorious days, sun, fun and relaxation was ours for the taking. Great times, family bonding and beautiful memories were made.

As I stated earlier, I turned 50 in October and decided I would face this new era of my life with a big party.  And that is exactly what I did.  It was held at a very swanky hotel in their "club/bar"  There was plenty of champagne, dancing, family, friends, cake and laughter.  It was a very memorable night and I loved every minute of it.  Even the slight  collosal hangover I experienced the following morning.

November brought about the much anticipated Presidential election.  And let me just say, this was the ugliest, most divisive and hate filled election I have ever experienced in my entire adult life.  This is an experience I never want to go through again.  Without going into specifics, let me just say that I pray with every fiber of my being that our divided nation will come together peacefully.  One day.  Hopefully, that one day, will be in my lifetime.

And finally, two weeks ago I had to have emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder.  I didn't have stones but I was experiencing severe and nauseating pain.  An ultrasound revealed that my gallbladder was enlarged and could burst at any given time.  So on December 12th I was admitted to the hospital.  Thankfully, everything went smoothly.  But let me tell you, once the wonderful pain meds wear off OH.EM.GEE!!!  I was crippled with pain and was walking like I was a 90 year old woman with severe arthritis.  I'm not joking.  Getting better has proved daunting at best.  I'm two weeks post op and still not fully recovered but am back at work.  So needless to say, my Christmas kind of sucked but not too, too bad. 

And here we are on New Years Eve-eve.  Anxiously awaiting to bid adieu to this most weird rollercoaster of a year that was 2016.  And so, I wish all of you a very, very happy new year.  May 2017 bring you love, prosperity, good health and laughter.  You always have to have laughter.

I was not around these parts much this year.  I could lie and say I was insanely busy.  But I wasn't.  Life just gets in the way sometimes and really, I just didn't have it in me to blog much.  But hope springs eternal right?  So keep coming back, I may surprise you in 2017.

Happy New Year bloggies! 

peace.

some kind of mood

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately.  This time of year does that to me.  Makes me melancholy, question my existence, where my life is at this point and where it's going.  Roads not taken.  Heavy stuff no?  But it's not like I'm depressed.  I'm not.  I'm emotional, I am going through a lot of things in my life right now.  Some good, some not so good.  The only way I know how to deal with my emotions when I get this way is to write.  It may not make one lick of sense to those that read it, or it may even sound trite, corny, or read like a bad Lifetime movie.  And that's fine if you think that.  As long as it makes sense to me and helps me get my mind clear, it's all good.  So I leave you with ramblings and bad attempt of poetry from a hopeless yet hopeful romantic in a semi wine induced state.

Till next time bloggies.

-peace.

if only
we had met
in another time
under normal circumstances
without obstacles
or dead-ends
and our love could roam free
not held captive
bound by fear of letting go
if only.
_____________________

i need to leap
no holding back
just jump
take that chance
close that door
and move on

in print it seems doable
unspoken, it becomes reality
tangible

but then there is my heart
that even with nudges
it still won't let me go

the grip you have over me
my soul
is stronger than
my will
_______________________

it is because i love you
that i must leave you
for as much as my heart breaks
my conscience
my spirit
and my soul
must be at peace.
good bye my love.
_________________________

strength where are you now?
i need you more than ever
people tell me that i am strong
and that i can handle anything
but i'm not
i am weak
and scared
i need your guts to do this
push me to that leap i must take
it's for my own good
___________________________

where is that girl? the one i know.
the one that laughs and giggles
and dreams.
where is she?
did she fall asleep?
life keeps passing her by
day in
day out
it keeps moving
the world around her waits for no one
where is that girl?
full of aspirations
ready to quench her thirst to live?
did she get lost?
spirit find her
so she can resume the dream

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly or? November 8, 2016

It has taken me a minute to try and digest what happened on November 8, 2016.  My mind is still spinning with thoughts of "I'm having a bad dream"  and "This is a joke, right?"  But alas, it was not a bad dream and it was not a joke.  It was real.  Is real.  For the next four years our next president of the United States will be A.REALITY.SHOW.STAR., a successful business man if you will, but
A.REALITY.SHOW.STAR nevertheless.  And I still don't get it.  Why would half of the country want a man like him to lead our country? Why? 

The day after the debacle election, everything seemed surreal.   The weather matched the mood of the majority of the people I encountered as I went about my normal yet, not normal work day; Cloudy, grey, sad. 

I work for the city government and normally, politics, affiliations and the like, are frowned upon in our office.  But that day, Wednesday, November 9, 2016, no one really gave a crap about being politically correct.  Everyone was walking around like zombies, heads down, each lost in their own thoughts.  Small groups of people gathered around the break room, hallways, or even on the streets, having discussions about what had just happened the night before. 

I myself, am still mourning.  I am still licking my wounds.  I don't know that I will "get over it" anytime soon, as some of my friends/colleagues and good ol' Facebook has suggested. I mean, I get it.  She lost.  Our party lost.  Dreams and hopes were shattered that night.  Let us have whatever time is needed to bounce back.  To take a breath and say, "Ok, so this is our reality (heh, pun totally intended)" 

What I am most upset about is that this entire election has brought out the ugliest of the ugliest in people.  Hate, shaming, name calling, insulting, racism, vandalism...What the fuck America?  Seriously.  What the fuck?  This is what I don't understand and probably never will either.  How can anyone want an individual that is so full of crap and bullies his way to get what he wants and has no regard for consequences at all,  how can you want him in office?  This is what baffles me.  But the people have spoken.  Half of them anyway.  And that is who they wanted.  And so now, the other half needs to swallow that bitter, bitter, pill and accept it.  I get it.  We're pissed. We're despondent.  Indignant at our current situation.  But guess what?  This is what democracy is all about.  There was an election and one candidate won and the other lost.  That is how this works.  Forget all that starting riots and burning our flag noise.  Just stop.  Accept what happened.  I am not fan of the Orange man, believe me. But it is what it is. 

I shudder to think what we would have done if we didn't have Social media.  How would people know how distraught or euphoric we were?  How indeed.  But come on, it's over.  Go unhide those people you had to hide, go friend whoever you unfriended due to heat of the moment tempers.  I promise it will be ok.

I am a proud, American.  I love this country and will for the rest of my life.  The president-elect does not define me. 

So friends, start loving more, being kinder and respectful of each other. Our country is a melting pot of individuals from all over the world.  Isn't that amazing?  I think it is.  Sure, we're a little unsettled right now because of this most weirdest election I've seen in my lifetime, but we'll bounce back.  We always do.  Do your part to steer back in the right direction.

As President Obama said a few days ago, "No matter what happens, the sun will rise tomorrow"  And it will.  And it did. 

Now go out and kiss your lover, your kids, laugh, hug, count down to Spring training or dance your ass off.  Just go do it.  Go live. 

-Peace.

I'm Fifty Y'all!

In a little over an hour I will turn fifty years old.  FIFTY.YEARS.OLD.  Let that sink in will you?  I always thought that turning this age meant that I was a senior citizen, that I would look like what grandmothers used to look like back when I was a little girl.  But I keep looking in the mirror and I don't see the grandma looking back at me or the senior citizen.  I see wrinkles for sure and flabby skin that shouldn't be there (Work in progress.  Am I right ladies?)  But no, no old lady here.  Sometimes I feel old, my knees ache, my back hurts, arthritis kicks in, I need reading glasses -the usual you know?  But my spirit?  Hell my spirit is ageless.  It's currently about twenty-five.  As a matter of fact, I threw the most awesome, insanely sexy and paparazzi worthy birthday party ever on Friday night.  I wore the sexy dress, high heels, and drank champagne as if it was water.  I have not partied like that in years.  It was outrageously fun and exciting and fabulous.

I didn't get to bed until 5:00 a.m. and was up by 9:00 to meet friends for breakfast.  I may or may not have still been drunk.  That's still under review.  Yeah right.  We all know I was still under the influence.  But I went and I ate and I was happy to be in the company of good friends and family. 

As my birthday draws nearer,  I find myself. doing a lot of soul searching and reflection about my life thus far.  I've been very blessed, I am very blessed to have an incredible family who supports me and loves me unconditionally and in spite of my sometimes bad choices I've made in my life.  Without them, I would be lost.  Still, I have a few regrets on where my life is at this point.  There were a few things I regret letting go, things I should have accomplished already.  Among them is that horrific Scarlet Letter if you will, that I seem to be carrying on my forehead.  You know the  "S'" for single and "NC" for No Children.  My family all but gave up on me.  Some of my extended family is still hopeful and continuously try to set me up.  But as I tell them over and over and OVER again, I'm really ok being single.  Really.  I mean, sure I would love to have a special guy in my life, sure I have always wanted to be married and I used to want children.  But things don't always work out the way we picture them to work out in our minds.  And maybe I will eventually meet my "Mr. Big"  No I'm not referencing a male genitalia, get your mind out of the gutter.   I'm referencing Carrie Bradshaw's Prince Charming.  If you don't get the reference, look it up.  I'm not giving up on love, my love.  I'm a romantic through and through but I am not wallowing either.  I've got new adventures to experience. I am still alive, I'm still here and life is wonderful.  This life of mine is anything but perfect.  But I love it and I cherish every heartache, every failure, every success, every love I have encountered.  I would not be the woman I am today, were it not for these things.

If there is one thing I have learned in these almost 50 years, it is that we are here on this planet we call Earth, for such a short time.  So I choose to make the best of what I have and change what I don't like about it.  I've only just scratched the surface.  There is more, so much more that this girl is going to do with her life so watch out.  It's only the beginning.

Good bye forties.  I love you and I thank you for life's lessons.  Bring it 50!

In Rememberance...

I can still remember the exact moment that I heard an airplane had "crashed into a building".  It was a regular morning for me.  I was driving to work listening to what was at the time, a really funny radio program.  It's funny what we remember whenever a tragic event occurs.  I remember that it was a particular beautiful and sunny day in Houston.  You could tell that fall was coming with the light  crispy air.  I was one block from my office building when the on air personality said something that didn't sound right to me.  He said something along the lines of "This just in from the AP wire, it seems a plane has crashed into a skyscraper in New York"  he paused and then said, "Oh my god!" and then cut away to a commercial.  I wondered what had happened and continued on my way to the office.  I remember walking in to the office and found a few of my coworkers huddled together watching the small black and white tv we kept in the kitchen.  I guess they had brought it down here.  And there, I watched as the second plane hit the other tower.  I stood there in disbelief and to be honest, it took a moment or two for my brain to register what exactly had happened.  Some of my coworkers started crying.  I just asking what the hell had just happened.  You see, I still hoped this was some horrible, horrible prank.  Only it wasn't.

We remained glued to the tv, as other employees came in to watch with us.  When the towers fell, I cried.  There were people in those buildings.  Innocent lives.  I felt sick to my stomach.  The managing partner of the firm told us we could go home if we wanted to.  I stuck around for a few hours but then left.  I was useless at work.  And back then, there was not that "instant" social media capacity.  So there was no Facebook to post to.  No Instagram.  No Twitter to tweet.  We relied on the telephone -the landline kind.  And of course, our television and radio.

Driving home that mid morning was surreal.  I worked downtown where the streets were always filled with people bustling to their destination and traffic galore, sounds of machinery from construction often heard.  But as I drove away, downtown was eerily quiet and empty.  As I drove past Memorial Park -which is lined along the streets leading up to 610 highway, I noticed how there was no one running or walking.  That was unheard of in these parts.  But that day, there was no one.  Another thing I noticed was there were no birds flying overhead.  Normally, they were chirping away and you could see them flying freely like always.  But not that day.  I don't know if that had anything do with what happened but I just found it odd.

When I finally got home I sat in front of the tv for hours.  Watching what had unfolded early that morning  And you know, even after I saw people jumping from the buildings, even then I hoped they could be saved.  Even then...

Fifteen years ago, America as we knew it, died.   And I find it oh so ironic that here we are fifteen years later, and we're as lost as can be.  And that makes me so sad. 

I often think of the children that lost their mother or father or grandparents or siblings that day.  Or of the children that never got to meet them.  I think of all of those  firefighters and first responders that perished while trying to save lives.  Such a waste of life.  Horrible that it was cut short.  And the spouses that were left behind, the parents...so many brave men and women lost, because of cowardly acts from the monsters that drew blood from our beloved country.

On this fifteenth anniversary that tomorrow will bring, I will take a moment, pray for the lives lost, the loved ones left behind and the loved ones that never met their parents.  And I will pray for our country.  Broken as we are, we are still the United States and I am proud to be an American.

God bless us all..

How to Suck Correctly -there.is.a.class!

You just never know what going to lunch with coworkers will teach you I tell ya!  It was a particularly slow day at the office and the sun was shinning, "Wanna go to lunch?" was music to my ears and so I excitedly said yes.  Any excuse to get me out of the office was always a good thing -for me anyway.  So there we went, my two co-workers and I to decompress from the mundane "back  to work, feels like Monday but it's not, blues"  That's what I hate about being off on a Monday, coming back to work is a bitch.  But I digress.  We went to a local spot that served the BEST burgers in the world! Ok, ok, maybe not in the "world" but certainly in the area of town we were in.  Heh.  Once settled in, we began our non-chalant gab fest.  "How was your holiday weekend?"  "What'd you do?"  "Did you go shopping yesterday with all the other crazy people?"  You know, questions like that.   Anyway, somehow or another, I can't remember exactly why we started talking about this but we did.  Talk went from molding teeth to molding penises. (is that even plural???) and then went to classes for learning how to give blow jobs -the right way.  Um, I promise you if you ask any male friend of mine, they will tell you that any way is the right way.  Fellas amiright?  My co-worker, we'll call her Lucy, proceeded to enrich our intellect by revealing to us that there is indeed a need in this world to learn how to give head, suck cock, eh you know what I mean.  Sally, my other coworker and I literally had our mouths open as Lucy told us that she had taken such a class once. It was held in a regular classroom at a local community college.  I interrupted her story to ask if there were credits earned towards a degree.  She scoffed at me but I was serious.  Lucy is very animated when she speaks, she uses her hands a lot and her eyes.  She told us that it was a class full of women and one man. Yes.  A. Man. You see, her teacher taught an equal opportunity class.  Alright I'll get on with it, I know you are at the edge of your chair/bed/floor.  So the class was held once a week for 30 minutes for 4 weeks.  Her first day she said, was a bit awkward.  There was a lot of giggling and blushing and avoiding eyes amongst the masses.  The teacher was gifted I suppose in the art of um, giving blow jobs.  Imagine interviewing for that position er, job.  There were no text books just visual aids (think cocks in all sizes from small, medium, large to extra large to extra-extra large) Now, you were required to take your own "aide" to practice on and of course the visual aides for that that teacher brought in were just for show.  No touching, I mean sucking.   Lucy's take on this whole class was rather comical.  She said that on the first day besides getting acquainted with each other and the visuals, they also got to speak aloud if they wanted to, about why they felt they needed a class in the first place.  Now some of the answers were predictable "Because I wanna please my man" and yet other answers were more insightful "I want to learn to enjoy it so my partner will enjoy it"  -Pretty sure your partner is enjoying it -just saying!  Tips to giving a good blow job consisted of "jawsersizing" get it? instead of exercising?  Just making sure you understand.  Ok, so opening and closing your jaw on the daily was one tip, another one was to treat the cock as if it were a real person.  Uh, yeah that's what Lucy said.  Well, that's what the teach said.  Like a real person.  As opposed to a fake person? Or a fake thing?  The teacher meant that we ladies had to get comfortable with the penis person because that would help us to relax and enjoy it.  She gave homework.  Lucy told of having to suck on lollipops of various sizes.  Sucking the lollipop. .licking it, kissing it.  Seriously.  That's what she said. Oh and as your sizes in lollipops went up your jaws were getting their sersize.  Then came the licking.  According to the teacher, there is an art to licking.  Now that, I agree with.  And that's all I'm saying about that.  Moving on.  The class was told to learn to be comfortable with who they were and that if they mastered the art of giving a good blow job, the world was their oyster. Ok so maybe she didn't say the last part.  You know I'm dramatic.  It's funny how quickly an hour goes by when you're having so much fun.  We ended our lunch laughing hysterically and blushing no doubt.  Well, at least me. I blush at everything.  And yes more was said at that table that had us acting like hormonal teenagers but some things are better left unsaid and to the imagination.   I'm not all too sure that taking such a class is necessary.  I mean, in the kitchen alone there are tons of "aides" you can use or?  Be old fashioned and use the real thing.  After all, practice makes perfect.

This was fun.  Missed you bloggies (those that are still around)  

Peace.

darkness to light

my heart is heavy tonight.  as i type away, i still can't believe what's happened.  a very dear friend whom i love to pieces, tragically lost his 21 year old son tonight.  he was shot during some sort of altercation outside their home and sadly, died.  i think my friend is still in shock and is just going through the motions. the police, the media, investigators, all have descended on their home.  he has to tend to his grieving wife and sons, all the while, trying to keep his composure.  when the adrenaline wears off later tonight and he comes down, he will be a basket case.

let me tell you a little about my friend's son.  he was the oldest of three boys.  his name was ruben.  he was twenty-one years old.  a good kid who sometimes led a turbulent and troubled life.  he was trying to find himself, make his mark in this world.  he loved to skateboard and was quite good at it according to his dad.  he was also creative, an artist.  he loved music.  it was there, when he was composing or performing that he was in his element.  he aspired to make it in music professionally.  he was a good kid.  and now he's gone.  

i never met him.  not in person anyway.  just via pictures and i grew to know about him through his father's stories.  i feel terribly helpless because i want to do something, anything to ease the pain.  i can say "i'm so sorry" to him a thousand times, it still won't take away the sorrow and it won't bring back his son.  and so, i do what i always do in times of sadness and despair...i come here to my faithful friend, my blog.  

during difficult times my faith is what sustains me, gives me solace.  without it i would be lost.  and so i pray that my friend and his family turn to their faith and hold on for dear life.  i pray that their grief lessens with time and that they are able to resume to some sense of normalcy.  i pray for smiles and laughter and a lighter heart.  it won't happen today, or tomorrow, or maybe even a month from now, but it will, happen.  because when all is said and done, life goes on.  my grandmother used to say, "dale tiempo al tiempo" -meaning, give time, time.  

life is so short.  embrace it.  live it.  love it.  cherish it.

-peace.

Rainy Days and Mondays...

Greetings and salutations bloggies!  It's been awhile.  Hope all is well in everyone's little corner of the world. As for me, things are good.  Well, as good as they can be after enduring Mother Nature's havoc.  What I want to know is, "Who pissed her off?"  My fair city has been under water pretty much the entire day.  It started last night.  A band of heavy rains moved in and brought along their friends, fierce winds and jolting lightening.  It's not been a good day for thousands of people.  Many were caught in the rain and their cars quickly submerged in water, many, many others were stranded in their own homes as the water rose out of the banks and spilled onto the roads, neighborhoods and the like.  Still others have water in their homes.  My family and I are very blessed and fortunate.  We have power, our homes and vehicles are dry and seemingly safe -for now.  The weather is calling for more rain overnight.  But still, we are so very fortunate that have not suffered any damage/water/loss. My heart goes out to the those that have.

Here are a few images of today's craziness.

And that, dear bloggies, is all I have for you tonight.

Be good.

Love Is In the Air

Happy Valentine's Day bloggies!  I hope all of you share and/or receive a little love today.  Actually, I hope you receive it every day.  So many people have no clue what love is. I'm not just speaking of the romantic aspect of it.  I'm talking about the kind of love you may have for a child, a pet, a parent, a friend, your work, life.

I had a fantastic day today (or yesterday depending on your time  zone)  all day my heart was full and happy.  You know, I have much to be grateful for and so many people who love me and whom i love in return.  Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of this chaotic world we live in, I tend to forget just how lucky i really am.

And speaking about love.  for those faithful bloggers of mine, you may remember that I often wrote about "HIM".  He is sprinkled all over this blog of mine, especially in the early years.  Unbeknownst to him, he inspired quite a few poems and even a short, short story that can be found here: http://yvonne-writingmylifeaway.blogspot.com/2010/09/story-of-me-and-you.html.  Warning if you read it, I used a lot of exclamation points back then.  I dunno why.  ;)

Well, he's getting married next weekend.  I ran into him almost two years ago at a bar and we chatted briefly, and I remember how even still, he gave me butterflies in my stomach.  But I also knew that he would always be that guy, the one that all of us (women -or men if that's your liking) have had in our lives.  You know the one, the guy that made us blush and our hearts race and knees go weak and leave us hot and bothered all at once?  The guy that you knew was not for you, but you wouldn't turn him away if he came knocking -I'm just saying  The guy that exuded so much sexiness that you melted just at the sight of him.  Yeah that kind of guy.  Yeah, that's what he is and always will be to me.  And I can honestly say that I finally did get over him.  It took awhile, but I did get over him.  He wasn't my first love or anything like that, but he was someone that I loved very much.  And still do, just in a different way now.  A few months ago, I accepted his friend request on Facebook.  And it's a good thing.  I enjoy reading about his life from time to time.  I'm so very happy for him and his upcoming marriage. He's a really, really good guy.  Even if he was kind of a big jerk to me at times.  Even still, he is a sweetheart.  And I want nothing but the best  for him.  I hope he and his wife have lots of babies.  He's still hot and she is gorgeous.  Those are some cute babies in the making. So papito, cheers to you on your upcoming wedding.

So lovies, what bodes for you on this Valentine's Day? Whatever it is, may you get a lot of it and give a lot of it in return and be blissfully happy.  Kisses, hugs and lots of love to all of you.

-peace.

Color me confused

Who came up with the idea that adult coloring books would be therapeutic?  Have you actually seen one of those coloring books? I mean really looked at one?  Well you shouldn't.  I was given three as gifts recently.  Sometimes, when I'm visiting my nieces or nephews I help them color.  I like to  color. Or I used to.  So when I was given these adult coloring books I was a little very excited to say the least.   On one recent Friday night, I went to the quiet corner of my room.  It's where I sit and write/think/create or plot one of my stories or a poem or how to kill my ex (only in my dreams of course)  I got all comfy, brought along a glass of wine, turned on some jazz and opened up one of the coloring books.  The cover to the one I opened was a bunch of sunflowers and daisies.  How pretty! I thought to myself.  Well, I looked at the first page and thought, "no that's too complicated" and then turned the page and thought, "no that looks like too much trouble" and yet again the next page and the next one after that.  All the same.  Wtf?  These things even came with instructions on how to color.  NO.I.AM.NOT.KIDDING.  Who needs instructions to friggin' color???  Apparently adults do.  I mean, they have graphs and color scheme suggestions, the "right" way to color vs. the "wrong" way to color.  Good lord I'm getting a headache just thinking about this again. I almost called my friend who gave these to me to cuss her out. Almost.  But I didn't.  Instead, I took a sip of wine  big swig of my wine and downed that sucker before taking a special pencil to begin my masterpiece.    Oh did I mention that you can't use regular crayons for these coloring books? No really, you can't.  You have to use these special pencils.  Whatever.  For the next twenty minutes or so, I proceeded to color one, yes I said ONE sun flower before throwing the pencil across the room in disgust.  What a way to crush my dreams you adult coloring book maker you, whoever you are.  Those things are as interesting  as looking at a floor plan or an algebra problem. (No offense floor plan makers or algebra teachers) That night I got drunk on wine and watched bad 70s sitcoms instead. The next day, I went to visit my nephew and asked him where his colors and coloring books were.  And for the the next hour or so, I colored Superheroes and Thomas the Train and felt sooo much better. And I used real colors of the Crayola 48 kind.  Take THAT adult coloring books!

expectations, realizations and other ponderings

i feel antsy.  expectant.  happy.  sad.  excited.  stoic.  and that, my dear bloggies, is how my current state of mind is.  bipolar at it's finest.  oh i'm not really bipolar, so calm down.  but my mind thinks it is.  i  want to laugh one minute and the next i'm crying and then i'm euphoric.  at first, i thought it was my hormones and mother nature's way of reminding me that it was almost time for "the visit".  oh you know the one, that pesky little visitor that only appears to females until we go through that dreaded "change"  in life.  meh,  but i was wrong. it's not my hormones.  i've been this way for months.  losing interest in the very things that used to bring me joy.  i guess it's a result of a combination of things.  the new year, expectations, aspirations, longing for...something.  something more meaningful than what i have now.  make sense? no? i didn't think so.  bear with me.  maybe part of the reason i'm flaking out emotionally is because i turn fifty this year.  and that, dear bloggies, scares the hell out of me.  i am questioning what i have been doing half of my life, i am regretting roads not taken, roads taken, and everything in between.  does everyone go through this when they are about to turn this age?  or is it just me?  yeah, yeah, i hear you.  you're all saying it's just me aren't you? -don't answer that.

but seriously,  i really am a little freaked out about this seemingly monumental turning of age thing.  i remember dreams i had when i was very young and then as i got older, some of those dreams changed, some stayed the same.  and you know what? i am nowhere near any of those dreams.  how sad is that?

but still i feel expectant.  i think i grew content with the way my life had been going thus far.  i accepted things, the safer route, the responsible route, the sensible route.  but i'm not content with that anymore.  so i made a promise to myself on new years eve.  i promised myself that this year i was going to make things happen.  i was going to try with everything that i have, to make things happen.  good, bad, insane or not, this year will be different. how? i don't know.  i just know that it will.

the wheels are set in motion and i will give it my all, to make this year, different than all the rest.

my almost 15 year old niece told me today that i didn't look that old, when i told her my age.  i just laughed.  i remember being 15 and thinking the total opposite as her.  my mom was 35 and to me, that was old.  and yes, i know that age is just a number and you're only as old as you feel.  well, i don't feel old, per se.  but i do feel older.  if that makes sense.

but going back to the beginning of this post,  i feel change in my horizon, i don't know what kind of change but i know it has to be good.  because i want it and because i deserve it.

more to come, stay tuned.

oops they did it again!

i just don't know what else there is to say about houston sports teams, that i haven't said already said.  today, the houston texans were not only beaten by the kansas city chiefs, they were BEAT DOWN.  final score:  texans 0 - chiefs 30.  ouch.  you would think that after suffering gut-wrenching, painful, heartbreaking loss after gut-wrenching, painful heartbreaking loss, houston sports fans would be immune to feeling any kind of emotion anymore.  and yet, that's not the case.  oh sure there are a lot of disappointed and probably drunk fans in the city tonight, but come tomorrow or a week from now, when it hurts less, there we will all be again, counting down to next season.  as we always do.  but for now, i'm here  pouring my sorrow into this post.  just as i did in october, when my houston astros got their asses handed to them by, wait for it, kansas city.  yeah, them.  again.  bastards.  this was to be our payback day for that loss in october.  but alas, it was not meant to be.  not this year.  or ever it seems.  yeah i'm a little bitter right now.  but it will pass.  like it always does.  oh well, there's always next year right?

i'm still a  fan.  albeit a very disappointed fan.

oh and just so you know, only 92 more days until the astros opening day.  #keep hope alive  
#silver linnings everywhere.

they just don't get it. and by "they" i mean men

men. bleh. who needs them? oh yeah, we do.  well, we don't need them per se, but we want them, sometimes.  can you tell i'm just a little perturbed?  they say that women are the more dramatic ones in a relationship but i'm not totally convinced that is accurate.  wait, wait, just hear me out.  you see, as women we like to communicate and talk about our feelings and analyze every.single.detail. everyone knows this.  and men tend to clam up and go with the flow, so to speak. most times.  there are the rare occasions when they too, voice their opinions, feelings, emotions, etc.  and that's a great thing.  but why then, do men act like such pansies when we suddenly decide to assert ourselves and tell them exactly what we want, how we feel, etc.  the minute we do, they clam up, they get hurt, they tell us we are dramatic.  oh how many times have i heard that one in my life? not just from a lover but from my brothers or from male friends.  let me tell you what i tell them, sharing my feelings does not make me "dramatic" -if i don't share them with you, how will you know what or how i'm feeling?ugh.  so maybe i'm not making much sense because i'm being frugal with details about my current dilemma, but just know that if you ask a woman "what's wrong?" and don't really want to know, then do us a favor, don't ask.  really. don't patronize us like that.  it's better if you just leave us alone and let us be.  but if you are genuinely concerned and do ask, brace yourselves, it could get ugly.  and while i'm at it, we are not always looking at you to fix whatever is wrong, sometimes, we really do just need a hug or an "i love you, everything will be ok"

really.

A Texan and A New Yorker Walk Into a Bar...

I have been blogging since 2007.  Along the way, I have become friends with some pretty awesome people who either follow my blog or I follow theirs or both.  Well, in December I had the pleasure of actually meeting a fellow blogger and very dear friend for the first time.  David Batista has a blog at http://davidjbatista.blogspot.com/ -you should all scheck it out.  Well back in 2009 or 2010 or maybe even 2008, we couldn't remember the exact year, David and I started following each others' blogs.  A comment here, a comment there and soon, we were jabbering away via comments and sometimes emails.  That of course led to the Facebook friend request.  And just like that, we became friendsies.  We always told each other that whenever we were in each other's neighborhood, we should meet up.  Well, fast forward to many years later and this past December, the planets all aligned and we finally met.  David was in town visiting his brother for Christmas.  There was no way he could be in the same city as me and not meet me.  I mean, who was I to deprive him of such greatness?  Heh.  Calm down, I'm totally kidding.  Sorta.   So anyway, we both enjoy wine, of course that only meant that we meet at a wine bar, right?  Right.  We did.  My first impression of him is that he seemed much taller to me in person than via pictures.  But then again, as a friend of mine reminded me after I told her the same thing,  "Everyone is taller than you, Yvonne"  Maybe so, but he still seemed taller to me than what I had envisioned.  My second impression was that yes, he really is that cute.  We sat at the bar of a favorite place of mine (He was so nice he didn't even mention the comical almost sad way I climbed on to the bar stool. As most of you regulars know, I'm short and barstools and I are not friends.  Not even a littel bit) and shared stories and laughed and of course, took the obligatory picture for Facebook posting.  It's all the rage you know.  We didn't get a chance to do much more than that because of time constraints and the holiday.  But I think he really, really liked it here and I'm sure he'll be back. And I'm itching to go to New York (never been) so there's that.  Texas meets New York, sounds like a story in the making.

Happy New Year

Hello friends, it's been awhile.  A long while actually.  But no matter how long I stay away, even at my darkest hours, I always return to my safe haven.  It seems I've missed a few holidays, so Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas annnd, Happy New Year to all of you.  May this year be better than last and may an abundance of goodness and love fill your lives this 2016.  Wow, 2016.  It seems like only yesterday we were preparing for Y2K and the impending chaos that was to have followed.  My oh my, how time does fly.  But the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Tell me bloggies, what's going on with you?  How were your holidays?  Did everyone practice their NYE rituals at midnight?  I did the traditional 12 grapes (you eat a grape for every month of the year, it's supposed to bring good luck) and I wore my new red panties (for love) -Hey don't judge me, it's a tradition that was passed on to me by my grandmother years and years ago.  The story goes, by wearing brand new red panties on NYE, you are inviting love into your life.  -Yeah, I've been doing this for years, clearly, it's got some glitches because I have yet to find the right man in my life.  But I digress.  As if the panties tradition was not enough (oh yes, there's more) a friend of mine told me about a tradition to invite traveling into your life.  So, if you want to travel in the new year, you pack a suitcase with pictures of the places you would like to visit and then at midnight, you run out of your house with suitcase in hand and run to the front of your house and run back inside.   In doing so, you have invited the travel "energy" into your life.  Stop laughing.  I'm just passing on a folklore tradition. Well, sadly for me, I did not do the suitcase thing and I was planning to go to Spain this year.  Great. I'm screwed.  What about you?  Anyone have any other traditions or rituals you care to share?  Don't be shy, speak up.

December was a whirlwind month for me.  Work, the holidays, the holiday parties, shopping and volunteer stints here and there, made for a very tired Yvonne.  Tired, but happy.  I love, love, Christmas and always get a little sad when it's over.

Well bloggies, here's to another year!  Let's make it a great one!

Cheers.